Aries (March 21-April 19): You’re going to get your oodles mixed up this week.

Taurus (April 20-May 20): Watching 5 uninterrupted hours of The Big Bang Theory is completely acceptable and should be done at least once a week.

Gemini (May 21-June 21): When ordering baby cheeses, make sure to enunciate or confusion may arise.

Cancer (June 22-July 22): Petting a raccoon is not worth the rabies.

Leo (July 23-August 22): You should dedicate every spare moment of your life to BOTC. It will pay off in the end.

Virgo (August 23-September 22): Referring to yourself in the third person benefits more people than you think… if that means you… and Bri.

Libra (September 23-October 22): Watch out for that squirrel!!!

Scorpio (October 23-November 21): I’ll lend you a helping hand; yes, you should be Spider Man for Halloween.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21): The stars told me that the seniors are going to lose BOTC. If you’re not a senior, I’m sorry, but you should probably deliver this news now.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19): You might learn that a good friend is a closet tap dancer. You should welcome this with open arms.

Aquarius (January 20-February 18): You might receive some good news in the near future. Treasure it.
Pisces (February 19-March 20): Always say “yes,” unless you feel “no” is a more suitable answer.