Aries (March 21- April 19): Imagination can take you far in life. For example, tomorrow you could be on Mt. Fuji riding unicorns and fighting off wildebeests with a bubble gun. You just never know.

 Taurus (April 20- May 20): FYI, everyone on Facebook can see what you have been listening to on Spotify. Welcome to 2013: a world where you can’t even enjoy a little Britney Spears in the privacy of your own apartment.

 Gemini (May 21- June 21): Spinny chairs are fun…but don’t get too crazy.

 Cancer (June 22- July 22): It’s all about perspective; things can look different when you’re looking at them from 40,000 ft. rather than eye-to-eye.

 Leo (July 23- August 22): The stars have advised me that bringing back denim jackets should be the top of top priority.

 Virgo (August 23- Sept 22): If you are reading this, you have successfully made it through your Thanksgiving feast. Congrats!

 Libra (Sept 23- Oct 22): It’s important to know your surroundings, especially when belting out “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” 10 times consecutively in what you thought was an empty building.

 Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21): When taking public transportation, it is important that you make uncomfortably long and awkward eye contact with at least three people you have never met.

 Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21): Lying in a pile of snow can be extremely refreshing…just make sure to wear proper attire. No one likes frostbite.

Capricorn (Dec 22- January 19): You probably wish I had a better prediction of what will happen in your life, however:
A) I don’t get paid for this
B) I have no background in astrology
C) I just had to look up the difference between astrology and astronomy to make sure I used the right word in point B
D) I thought a Capricorn was some sort of  unicorn that wore caps

 Aquarius (January 20- Feb 18): The stars tell me that you’re doing it wrong.

 Pisces (Feb 19- March 20): Look at you go, Pisces. You’re incredible.